Friday, April 11, 2008

MY IAS INTERVIEW

2nd april 2008.....finally the D-day has arrived......cut back to the past week, i.e 28th march.....to me the world's biggest problem seems to be whether to go for a hair cut or not....what if the barber cuts the hair really short ?....hmm ...too much of a risk.....is my face lookin dull??....wtf !...i have developed dark circles !!....gosh !....sure the interview thing is getting on my nerves....aren't these things the stuff of gals ?....i'm ok looking so y the fuss ??....ok mr. sinha b a man.....no girlie stuffs juz chillax and forget abt the looks department and concentrate on the more pressing things on hand....studies yaar......!!...

29th march.....Mom, "beta y u lukin so dull ?....look at ur face seems like a convict has just come out of jail !!! ".................waaaaaaaat ?...all the cool confidence evaporates.....to hell with studies, first i have to give milind soman a competition....so in consultation wid mom and sis on the phone i prepare my war plans.....scrub my face daily....apply a fruit pack, freshly cut papaya wud b ideal.
practice ur smile in front of mirror...those dimples should b visible prominently :)....

31st march......i am trying out my outfit.....a cool Rs.7500 in all....white van huesen shirt ...a black striped van huesen tie....khakiyish colour plus trouser...franco leone shoes and a black leather belt.....hmm.....damn....u luk smart abhishek......!!...let me show it to dad and go on an ego boosting trip......how do i luk dad??.... Papa "accha hai....r u goin anywhere?? ". comeon this is my interview dress !!....Papa "no no no not formal enuf....b a gentleman ..wear a suit....hamare zamane mein.....blah blah..............."

1st April......i am a nervous wreck.....shit....now where do i buy suit from?....finally my sis comes to the rescue....we go and pick up a black striped blackberry suit....a cool Rs.11000 set back to Dad.....u asked for it Dad...waise bhi it might be the last time u wud have the privilege to pamper me....:)

2nd APRIL..........cud not sleep more than a couple of hours.....damn....never knew that the nights were so long....got up from the bed at 5 'o clock...cool weather....juz ideal for my suit...things r lukin up for me....hang on.......i wont be drivin today.....dont have a licence...dont want to spend my day in sum police lockup instead of the upsc one....a phone to didi....hey u drive down.....i'm not gonna drive....shit....y is it happening to me....y cud i not plan down these small things....am i developing a cold feet today ?....anyways a small pep talk from mom boosted my spirit.....to hell with it....even if i am screwed today i wud do it smilingly....quick bath....then a small puja....hang on....y is lord Hanuman smiling at me with a naughty twinkle in his eyes??? ...weird !!...never noticed that previously....oh God plz dont play any trick on me ...at least not today....apko ek asli ghee ka laddu free...pakke se .....ok...7'o clock....time for some snaps !!...say cheese.....yeah yeah u going to sum marriage na !!....still try my best to luk chilled out ..:)
didi arrives on time ...but mom and dad are taking their time to get ready......helloooo guys....i guess this is my interview....i wont b gettin any extra marks coz my parents have turned up prim and proper.....coooool down abhishek.....oooooommmmm......deep breath....aj no tension......sit wid grandmom.....get sum prasad from her and sum encouraging words and prayers....luv u dadi...dnt wry... wud not let u down....finally we leave for upsc.....one big happy family and one very nervous bloke.......its showtime folks !!!

we reach upsc office at around 8 o' clock....still an hour to go.....so sis drives down to the bylane near the upsc office.....now the agonising wait till 9 am.....papa appears more nervous than me....mom as usual is a picture of cool confidence....her son is goin to crack it....yeah right...and i guess others r there to just fill in the numbers. :(...my sis starts givin her enlightened views on the guys and gals waitin there...."hey this gal is cute !....wat say abhishek ?? ".....waaaat???....hellluuuu !!!!...gimme a break.... i am here for IAS interview....I....A......S.....stop distracting me....ok ?.....anyways wen my folks r busy conversing....i scanned for the gal my sis referred to....hmmm......not bad !! ;).......oh shit!!!.....nooooooooo this is IAS interview......oooooommmmmmmmm......deep breath......i turn on the music in full blast to block away any distracting thoughts........
8.50 a.m we drive towards the upsc gate.....i sit inside the car...the AC is soothin...dont want to sweat out in the open....9 o' clock...candidates r let in....i rush towards the gate.....shit....i forgot my call letter in the car....run back and collect it....a cisf jawan (ram singh) checks the hall ticket and lets me in....upon entering the upsc building we complete the formalities at the reception and are led to the waiting hall of upsc.....had been earlier to the hall in my cpf interview....it has a very pleasant look....a biiiiggg circular room with a dome shaped ceiling.....the fans are fixed almost horizontally on the pillars and the ACs r running perfectly.....the lighting is a very pleasant yellowish hue.....and we have around 8 wooden low roundtables with 6 chairs at each table....a gentleman checks our documents...i den chat wid fellow candidates.....there r two CAs (one selected in 2005 ias exam ...railway accts)....one enginner and one lawyer....we share a light hearted conversation
and the ice is broken.....surprisingly i observe that i am the most relaxed chap....crack a few jokes....sumhow all the nervousness has gone kaput.....:)....den the new found friends start reading the 5 odd newspapers spread on the table.....i juz glance through the headlines...dont want an information overload now...and luk intently at the painting which was hung on the wall...it was by a painter called anita...i observe the details...who knows might get a chance to impress the board by observational skills....(ya right !!..as if the learned board members' bag of questions is empty )......den tea and biscuits r offered....others politely decline the offer....but me being the ever opportunistic dont let go the offer ...in fact both the tea and cookies were gr8 !!......

i was the third candidate to be interviewed.....we were alloted prof. chalam's board....do i hear it right ??...prof chalam ?....wow...i had been interviewed by him for the cpf exam and ended up gettin 70 %....hey dis is my lucky day !! :)....nyways our start was delayed coz a member of the board came late......at around 11.45 am i was asked by the staff to go to mr.chalam's room....while leaving towards the roomi i drank a glass of water did a silent prayer....so this is it !!!...whatever happens , i too can boast to my grandchildren that in the year 2008 i attended THE interview...:).....

ok...the bell rings and the atttendant luks at me from top to bottom and with a wicked smile informs me that it was my turn ....and as if he is an alter ego of ravindran (to the uninitiated he is the director of an ias coaching institute..).. says dont b nervous juz bcoz the previous guy came out sweatin.....cool ...now those r comforting words !!! :(... duffer !.....oh no...cool down.....oooooommmm......deeeeeeep breath......knock knock.....and i open the door and wait for prof. chalam's permission....

prof Chalam : plz come in

i enter with a very plastic smile.....heart beat is fast.....wish every 1 together....

p.c : gentlemen dont u think we have Mr.Abhishek Bacchan amidst us !!...every one smiles.....( i dont know whether its a complement or juz leg pullin....but the chairman shows a cheerful demeanour.....surely its a complement....or is it?? )

i stand near my chair....

p.c : plz sit down mr.abhishek....
me: thank u sir....
p.c : hmm.....quite an interesting biodata....u have been all over india while schooling....how was the experience ?
me: sir....it was a privilege to do my schooling from different cities....i cherish very gud memories of those days....
p.c : which city u liked the most ?
me: sir , all of them were special in their own ways !
p.c: have u filled ifs as 1st preference ?....
me: no sir...its ias...
p.C: ok den u can avoid the diplomacy...tell me abt the best city...
me: i cherish my memories of kolkata the most....i was at the most impressionable age at that time...what i liked the most abt the city is its rich culture,good food, ppl's love for sports and of course the durga puja celebrations....
p.c : yes....the durga puja celebrations r special.....
i nod vehemently.....
p.c : so what have u been doin since graduation....?
me: prep for ias...in between did job for a few months in a psu as a mgt trainee and section officer in indian audit....right now am slated to join crpf as asst commdt....
pc: u were selected last year ?
me: no sir i was selected in 2006.....
p.c: so u have joined the force...?
me: no sir...i,ve taken an extension..
p.c: what rank did u get and what force were u alloted ?
me : sir i was placed 10th and i was alloted crpf.
p.c :was it ur first preference ?
me : yes sir.

p.c indicates to the first member to ask questions...

mem 1 : y crpf ?
me: sir...it is the most diverse of all the paramilitary force...den i tell abt the force profile and its varied duties like....counter insurgency, riot control, disaster mgt, conductin elections,spg protection etc.
mem 1: wat r the other forces....
me: bsf,itbp,ssb,cisf, assam rifles
mem 1 : suppose ur frnd decides to join bsf and other wants to join cisf....can u defend their decision.?
i think for a couple of seconds....
me : yes sir
mem 1 : go ahead..
me : bsf is known for its discipline....it is closer to the army in many respects....it has well established areas of operation...e.g indo pak border and indo bangladesh border...unlike crpf it has got an element of stability as far as postings r concerned....
me : cisf provides the best perks....in cisf an inspector is generally the company commander whereas in other forces it is asst commdt who is the company commander.....also the peaceful postings gives an opportunity for a better family life....
mem 1 : what is "law" and what is "order" ?
me : law is a set of rules and legislations framed by the executive and the legislature which regulates various apects of the society......then stop 4 a second.....sir can i use the opposite of order to explain order ?
mem 1 : sure...go ahead....
me : opposite of order is chaos....it is a situation in which there is no structured norms and there is an absence of predictability of behaviour....hence order is a concept which tends to regularise the actions and behaviour of individuals which wud promote social harmony....
mem 1 : what is diff between militant and extremist....?
me : both militant and extremist believe in the use of violence to achieve their goal....however i think the quantum of force which a militant uses is more severe than that used by an extremist....moreover militants want a complete change of structure whereas extemist wish to modify the structure to make it equalitarian....
mem 1 : but do u think maoist want to modify the structure ?
me : sir maoist belong to the category of left wing extremism...they want a complete change of structure , i.e establishment of a communist society....(while answering i realise the trap i was falling in )
mem 1 : then u see extremist too sumtimes go for a complete change of structure...
me : i get ur point sir....sheepish smile....
mem 1 : smiles too....

mem 2 : it seems u hail from bihar....but u have hardly lived in the state....can i ask u about bihar?
me : yes sir ...
mem 2 : tell me abt the problems of bihar....
me : illiteracy, law and order problem, rigid caste structure, unidimensional economy, recurrent floods....
mem 2 : fair enough....now pick up the most crucial prob ...
me : its illiteracy sir...
mem 2 : illiteracy ??...raises his voice....how can u say that...then quotes some stats revealing that biharis dominate the higher civil services and r doing very well in corporate sector above the level of VPs....
prof chalam : thats right...biharis r ruling india....smiles....
me : sir i agree with u that many biharis r doing well in these areas....in fact their achievements r a source of inspiration to all of us....however sir, they r in a minority.... if i may quote the figure of 2001 census....bihar is at the bottom of the big states as far aslitracy rate is concerned....arnd 47 % ( nat avg 65 %)...the most damning stats is women literacy 33 %...i.e...2 out of three women in bihar r illiterate....i believe if we tackle the literacy prob then their wud b domino effect in other areas.....e.g skilled manpower....breakdown of caste rigidity....improved employment and consequent reduction in crimes....
mem 2 : tell me abt the issue between bihar and nepal.....dont tell me abt india-nepal....
me : madheshi issue -ppl of bihari and eastern UP origin residing in terai region of nepal and their agitation regarding autonomy......recurrent floods in bihar coz of sudden discharges of river in upstream areas in nepal....and the issue of porous border...which is being utilised by ISI to infiltrate terrorists in india.....the member nods vigorously at the last point....i cud have said it upfront...
mem 2 : which force is responsible for security of indo-nepal border ?
me : Its SSB sir....shashatra seema bal...
mem 2 : ok.

mem 3: why is the scoring patter 0,15,30,40 in tennis??....dont u find it strange?
me : come to think of it....yes sir....it is pretty strange....actually it never occured to me till now...it always seemed to be the normal scoring pattern in tennis....but i m sry sir i dont know the reason...
mem 3 : what is "luv" in tennis ?
me : its the score of zero....
mem 3 : ok. do u know how it originated?
me : no sir.
mem3 : it has come from the french word "loufe".
me : thank you for the info sir.
mem 3: ok finally tll me what is a "bye"
me : sir whenever a player goes to the next round in a tournament without playing the match of that round....he is suposed to have got a "bye"....it maybe coz of injury to an opponent...
mem3 : an injury ??...sure ?...dont u think it has got to do with the format of the tournament...finals...semis...quartefinals...etc...multiples of two...if sum 1 is left odd man out then "bye "....
me : yes sir....i was wrong....though the concept is the same but the reason is what u have just informed me....
mem 3 : so u like widlife documentaries?
me : yes sir.
mem 3 : what have u done for animals....?
me : sir till date i dont think i have done anything extraordinary on this front except feeding stray dogs in my area, feeding squirrels and birds.....i 've also switched over to vegetarianism...
mem 3 : interjects....arre bhai vegetarians r generally the worst offenders towards the animals...prof chalam agrees....
mem 3 : was their any tiger reserve in news recently?
me ; yes sir...it was sariska tiger reserve, where tiger population was completely wiped out though the administrative records were showing a healthy tiger population....
mem 3 : tell me abt the project tiger in detail...
i explained it as i was well prepred on this.
mem 3 : have u heard abt "as dead as a dodo" ?
me ; yes sir.
mem3 : what is it?
me : sir it was a flightless bird in mauritius which became extinct a couple of centuries ago...(i had read abt in a hindi magazine "nandan" when i was a child....!! )
mem 3 ; good....now tell me dodo dies but we dont face any problem....let tiger die too ...we wont face ny problem now also...y this fuss abt the tiger ?
me : sir extinction of any species is an irreparable loss.....still if i have to defend our efforts to save the tiger....sir tiger's survival is an indication of the health of an entire ecosystem...being at the top of the food chain its extinction wud disturb the entire food chain....
mem 3 : but then there wud b other carnivores which wud take its place....den y shd we save the tiger...?
me : sir in that case i have just one sentence which comes to my mind....in future with all the scientific advancements it might happen that we may b able to live without animals but then wud such a life b worth living?....i smile at the member....he smiles back and ends his grilling...

mem 4 : tell me abt the importance of water management..?
me : told the usual stuff...nothin fancy
mem4 : enumerate the GoI programmes in this field....
me : i list out 4-5 programmes
mem 4 : then he quotes some stats on per capita avilability of water in india....and compares it unfavouably with the per capita requirement....hence concludes that even with the best water management strategy we dont stand a chance to improve ppl's condition on this front...asked my views on this...
me : sir even if we cannot completely nullify the gap.....at least with better management we can reduce the gap....we shd strive to do the best with the resources at hand....
mem4 : u r a technologist....what can b the solution?
me : i talk abt desalination plants....coverting sea water into fresh water.....

mem 5 : what r ur views on inter-caste marriages...do u support it ?
me : yes sir i m in favour of inter caste marriages...talk abt the breaking down of caste based rigidities.....
prof Chalam : this guy is a coverted veggie...and he is ok with inter caste marriage...wen he goes to mussourie he wud eye a veggie gal from a diferent caste.....laughs....others join in....i too laugh.... forgot that i had to juz smile....immediately got bak into the smiling mode...but hang on...is this an ias interview or a ragging session??....
mem5 : asks abt the origin of caste
me : i tell abt 4 sociological theories on caste's origin....
mem5 ; ok...wat abt inter religion marriage ?
me : (wtf !!!....do u have any daughter u r hell bent on marrying me off with ...:(....now in order to get him off my back)....sir marriage is all about compatibility...as long as two individuals r compatible other differences be it religion, race ,caste or place of birth does not matter (hey i had memorised it while remembering one of the articles in fundamental rights...maybe art 15....thankfully i did not mention abt the gender (sex)...it wud have been a major goof up.......lol....:)......
mem 5 : if a guy....rel A marries a gal relig B...wat wud b the relig of the child ??....hmm tricky 1....if i say relig A he can screw me for being a male chauvinist....if i say B...i dont have the logic to back it up......thinkkkk...wallah !...
me : sir it cud b A, B or even a third one C....
mem 5 : how can u say that ?
me : (hmmm...is this a technical question??.....maybe i took it lightly)......sir actually i dont know it from the legal point of view...
mem : no no...u tell me ur views...
me : (relieved )....sir if two ppl are broadminded enough to marry a person from a different religion then they wud definitely bring up their child with liberal values and wud give him or her the freedom to choose the religion....sir bollywood has set an excellent example in this field....then i gave the example of arbaaz khan and malaika arora...and the way they r bringing up their kids....(heheh....to tell u the truth i still dont know if they have any child.....lol....)
prf chalam : laughs....so he knows a lot abt bollywood too....
mem 5 : i guess he repeated the same question.....now i m getting pissed off....arre bhai juz coz the question has been repeated am i expected to change my answer??
but before i cud speak.....
prof chalam : he said na...it cud b A, B or C...simple....!!
prof chalam : thank u mister abhishek...ur interview is over.
i thank him back and then thank all the members....
the interview got over at 12.20 pm...35 min in all....